The Silent Stigma
There are many forms of Stigma when it comes to mental health. There is the kind that comes in overt ways through words and phrases such as, “she’s crazy’, or “don’t play with that kid, he’s got problems.”. There is stigma in the workplace, which leads to the totally legitimate fear of losing status or job security if an individual or a family member requires some off time to deal with a mental health situation. There is a stigma that exists in the shadows on the playground and on the sports fields, of being judged by other moms, teachers or coaches if a child is seen to have issues. But the most secret and pervasively debilitating kind of stigma in my opinion, is stigma in the form of silent internal shame and self judgement.
I have friends, family members and also patients that will not discuss the mental health challenges they face outside a professionals office. I hear from progressive, well educated and compassionate people that their family and closest friends do not know that they, or their child takes medication. When I inquire as to why, I am told, “people don’t understand “ or “ I don’t want my child to be judged.” One of my closest friends doesn’t talk about the mental health challenges her adult son so obviously faces, even when she easily discusses other personal topics such as her marriage, sex life or financial concerns.
I remember how absolutely full of shame I felt, (even though I am a therapist!!)) when Courtney fell apart-very publicly- on the 22 perfectly manicured acres of her elite private high school. Whereas Courtney was an outgoing and well liked kid who sang and performed in all the musicals, her Krazy played out on that same high school stage like a Shakespearean tragedy. Her friends kicked her out of her friend group and no other group would take her in. She ate alone in the lunchroom or would hide in the bathroom, and then refused to go to school at all. Although I would regularly lunch with and serve on committees with other grade level moms, when Courtney became ill those same mothers surgically removed me from their circle with the precision of a german scappel. Besides the awfulness of her actual mental illness taking over, the marginalization that rippled through her friends, the moms, and as time went on even the administration of that school was in some ways even more terrible. Did people think she was contagious??? There is no other explanation for what happened at that elite private school other than shunning due to stigma. Stigma leads to shame, which leads to self loathing, which then perpetuates and compounds the pain of mental illness even more. What a terrible cycle of betrayal this is even if we do not realize it, and most of us are complicit due to mental health stigma.
We will all deal with some form of mental health challenge in one way or another. At some point something will happen in our lives or the life of someone we love, and we will then be forced to look a little deeper. Why wait until we are in a crisis or we have no other choice but to accept this? Only when we pierce the outdated and pervasive veil of mental health stigma and normalize the reality of this, can real individual and collective healing begin. We must challenge shame, silent judgements and stigmas about mental health and talk about what is really involved. This is the reason we founded the KrazyGirl Project and why Courtney and I share our deep and personal experiences so openly. Only when we share our truths about mental illness, can we learn about and promote real sustainable mental health together. This is the path forward, from Krazy to #KrazyEmpowered. What do you think?
Xxoo Marci